


bleak // lee minho

by Ingodwoojinwetrust



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22504786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingodwoojinwetrust/pseuds/Ingodwoojinwetrust
Summary: I have been one acquainted with the night.I have walked out in rain-and back in rain.I have outwalked the furthest city light.I have looked down the saddest city lane.I have passed by the watchman on his beatAnd dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.-Acquainted with the Night, Robert Frost
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 9
Kudos: 15





	1. p r o l o g u e

He's a candle shining brightly with a burning passion.

He flickers but never goes off. 

A soul so bright and vibrant dancing like a firefly in the night. 

Sweet, naive, innocent, child doesn't know what will happen in the night.


	2. rain.

Minho woke up to the sound of his alarm repeatedly beating but somehow he wasn't bothered. After all, this was a special day for him and nothing could his change his mood. He took his time planning out the perfect outfit while humming a song he held dear.

I just kinda wish you were gay

Going out of his front door, Minho felt something dripping. At first, he thought he just forgot to turn the AC off but he looked up on the sky to see the dark clouds. Going back inside his house, he took an umbrella. Nothing could stop his special day.

He admired the smell of the rain and the sound it. Others may think its weird to smell flowers under the rain but the fragrance and beauty combined just pushed him to remember the day ahead. Looking up the sky through his umbrella, he always loved this weather. It reminded him of a certain person, calming yet beautiful. The dripping of the rain also reminded Minho of him. It wasn't the greatest of sound but everything associated with him would turn into something beautiful.

Minho didn't notice but he already was at the gate of his special friend's house. The house seemed a little bit quiet with the amount of people inside. He checked the time and was surprised maybe his excitement and happiness brought him here a little to early.

Picking himself up, Minho went to their favorite shop to pick some gifts up but not without seeing a cat meowing at him which caused him to meow back. After all, who was he to deny the cat.

The cat purred under his touch. He smiled at the cat and touched it one last time before finally heading to their usual place. Minho tried to think of what to buy for each of them. He thought that maybe he'll just give them all the same thing but that won't be special enough for such an important day.

He arrived at the cafe with everything memorized. New York cheesecake for Jisung, souffle pancakes for Seungmin and Felix— oh, they're here?

They were already eating and he wasn't invited. Minho wanted to join but he wasn't invited and he somehow felt like he didn't belong so suddenly. Heading out, he checks his phone in hopes that they might've actually invited him and he just hasn't read the message. But to his dismay, he ran out of mobile data. Maybe it was only Minho's head playing around with him and they actually invited him. He didn't check the chat after all.


	3. sunset.

Minho ended up having a little stroll in the streets. 

This time, the weather is more dry. The rain stopped and the sunset was looking nice. It was mesmerizing. Again, it reminded it of him. He's like a sunset—he's the sun even. He shines so bright even when setting. He fades out beautifully only to rise even better the next morning. Minho took a deep breath. Now he's starting to feel anxious. How is he going to tell him that he likes him? What if he gets turned down? What if the younger is just not interested in these kinds of things. But whatever. 

When it comes to love, everyone is dumb. Cliché as it is, it's proven. And in this point in life, Minho is currently at his dumbest. It was that state. First love as they call it. Minho stared at his watch and deemed that it was time to go back. Hearing a small meow, Minho saw the cat from earlier it seemed to be staring at him as if trying to relay message. Minho patted the cat and turned to leave.

Meow. 

"I'd love to stay with you but I have something important to do right now." The cat snuggled closer. 

"Don't worry i'll come back." Said Minho with another pat.

*

The cat stared at Minho's fading figure silently. Minho's face was illuminated by all the lights staring at him. 

"Name?" The man, armed, dressed in black, asked. 

"Lee Minho. I'm friends with-" Minho was interrupted by the guard. 

"You're not in the guest list." Minho was stunned. Why wasn't he in the guest list? This is his friend's house, right? Minho didn't want to think about it but he can't help but be bothered about it. How could you forget to put your friend's name in the guest list? Minho bit his nails anxiously. Maybe it was just a big misunderstanding. This wasnt some college friends this was friends who he grew up with, after all. 

"Excuse me? Maybe it's just a misunderstanding. I'm a good friend of him and we've known each other for years. Can you just please call him?" The guard's eyes filled with pity. He didnt expect the intruder to be so calm and level-minded. 

"I'm sorry but rules are rules. Even though I want to let you in, it might cost me my job." Minho wanted to speak more but he realized the depth of what would happen if he was let in. Dialling someones number he wondered if he was inside already. 

He heard something.

A familiar ringtone ripped through the air. Hearing the familiar sound, he whipped his head to where the tone was coming from. He saw no one. He followed the sound as it grew louder. On his way he also heard some— cheering? Minho was baffled. The party's inside. Why would there be this much people out? He continued walking 'till his feet brought him to a situation he never in life, wanted to see. Then there, he thought of how delusional and pathetic he was. Who is he to assume that he would be loved by someone like him? He was perfect. He was nothing beside him. Someone like him couldn't be good enough for someone like Hyunjin. The ringing continued on through the silence. 

"Who the fuck- ugh its Minho hyung again. I let him be with that little crush of his, now he thinks he can call me all the time? What a loser." Minho's eyes widened. How could Hyunjin know? Was he too obvious about it? He never told anyone except Jisung. No, no, that must be wrong. Jisung is sweet and innocent. He would never do that. 

"I told you we should've kicked him out of the GC," A voice so familiar, broke his heart. It was Jisung. He thought they were the best of friends. Finally, the ringing came to an end as both lines connected with each other. Hyunjin answered the phone. 

"Yes, hyung?" He said, monotonous. Almost as if it's not a question. Minho didnt know what to do. His head and heart couldn't form anything to ease the silence. His body woudnt listen to his own commands. It felt loke he wasnt in control of anything. 

"Hello? Im hanging up." That seemed to get minho out of his stump. 

"W-wait Hyunjin! I just wanted to say happy new year to you all and..." Minho contemplated. Was this the right thing to do? Maybe it wasn't but he would never know if he didnt try 

"I-i love you. I know it may seem a bit late considering you already have someone." 

Hyunjin whipped his head around frantically. How could he know? Is Minho here? 

"I guess it doesnt matter now. You will still be my favorite sunshine. Thank you for being my friend." Cold. Thats what Minho felt. The tears that should be hot felt so cold for him. Everything was cold. The cold that Minho has always loved now seemed unwelcoming. The house that once seemed bright and colorful is now painted by the dull and gloomy skies. Just like the sky that once had stars twinkling so bright his eyes has also lost its sparkle. Walking past people, it seemed that everyone had someone to be with. 

Meow It was the cat from earlier. 

"Hi, i guess it wasn't my special day after all." A sad smile, tears, and more tears appeared but he didnt bother wiping it of. Why am i crying? He prepared himself for the rejection and the truth. Of course Hyunjin would have someone. Hyunjin was perfect, beautiful, mesmerizing even. And who was he again? He was no one. Meow, the cat purred against Minho's leg trying to stop him from crying but it seemed that the tears wouldn't be stopping anytime now 

"Thanks, you're the only one i have now" Bringing up the cat to his chest. Minho didn't know where he was going he would just let his feet wonder to where home is supposed to be.

\---


	4. 11:11

Minho woke up sitting on a bench. He must have cried too hard and fell asleep there. Trudging quietly, he went back home. The ringing of the alarm greeted him but oddly, he wasn't bothered by it. After all, there was nothing left for him. He took his time laying out on his bed humming a song he once held dear. The ringing from his phone reminded Minho he was an actual student. 

He couldn't let his grades slip just because he was feeling sad but he couldn't just leave his friends like this. He's sure that everything will go back to the way it was once he starts fixing things up with them, right? Hauling his bag, he ran out of the apartment before he becomes late. 

*

1,2 ste- again 1- again 1 2 step 3- and again— 

"MINHO! Why can't you do this part right?! Do you even know how to dance?! Maybe you're getting out of shape. Dont stop dancing 'till you get it right." 

Minho's mind was abuzzed. The different emotions were suffocating him but no, he needed to stop, stop thinking and dance. He had no time to think of this worthless things. Dancing is the best thing he's good at and if he can't even do that, then what good was he?Their class ended but he stayed in the dance room. Thinking of their dance coach's words, he stayed somehow motivated. He keeps on dancing, not missing any beat. He has to keep his mind off Hyunjin. He has to forget all these feelings but he can't help but think about it. Are they still friends at least? How is Minho gonna face Hyunjin the next time they see each other? How is he going to ask Jisung about how Hyunjin knew he loved him. Scratch that— he still loves him. And he doesn't know when to stop loving him. Or how to stop loving him. Or if he even should stop loving him. Minho is lost in a labyrinth and he has no idea how to escape. How to get out. He's trapped. Trapped in everything yet he still feels nothing. He's filled with emptiness. The darkness and silence engulfes him numbing everything around.

The clock strikes eleven. 11:11 to be exact. Funny. 11:11 means that everything is going well and in accordance. It was funny. Minho thought that maybe this is what god planned for him, after all. To feel everything and nothing at the same time. To be burdened with everything but left with nothing. 

The empty void in his heart left him emotionally and physically tired. He continued pushing himself. He never gave up but his body surely did. Hours felt like seconds after he passed out of fatigue. 

Minho woke up with someone shaking his arms. For some reason, he felt seated in a couch. Wasn't he dancing just a minute ago? 

"Hyung, Minho hyung," A very familiar face greeted him. His lips are plump. His skin is so perfect and flawless. His eyes ever mesmerizing. 

"H-hyunjin?" Minho immediately exited his trance and mumbled: "I must've passed out. I feel exhausted." 

"Hyung are you okay? Do you want to—" 

"No, no. I'm fine. I'll just go home, bye." Minho rushed. He's still confused and lost and knew that he shouldn't see Hyunjin for now. He needs to think. 

Minho, dragging his back around, left his keychain in the floor. Hyunjin noticed the keychain seconds after the older has left the room. He picked it up and tried to give it to Minho but he was already gone. And there, Hyunjin remembered. Minho once gave him a matching keychain for his birthday. Was it last year? Or this year? Hyunjin didn't remember when it was because he thought the gift was so lame. But somehow, he started to realize something. 

Maybe he was too harsh with his hyung. He was a softie with a heart even mushier. Hyunjin felt guilty. 

Stepping out of the college building. Minho saw a trio of girls, specifically Hyunjin's fangirls. 

Lowering his head, he tried to pass by quietly but it seemed that fate wasn't on his side. 

"Hey! Aren't you that guy who likes Hyunjin?" Said the girl wearing a pink off-shoulder under her white jumpers. 

"Don't you mean gay?" The other one snickered. 

How can college students be this immature? Minho recognized them. They were daughters of the biggest sponsors of this university. Ah, that was probably why they study in such a university. 

"He's so pathetic. Why would Hyunjin like him? I heard that he was only friends with him because Hyunjin is too nice and pitied him." The one in the middle cooed.

Minho ignored them and continued walking as thoughts flooded in his mind. How did they know about this? Is it true? Did Hyunjin and the rest really just pitied him? Though, he could only confirm that Hyunjin will never like him. And he knew that. He just didn't know how to accept it. It still hurts until now.


	5. beautifully tragic, tragically beautiful.

Hyunjin's last class just ended. He thought of giving the keychain back to Minho but he never seemed to cross paths with the boy today. He figured that Minho must've skipped classes since he was so tired. Still filled with guilt, Hyunjin decided he should use the identical keychain Minho has given him. The younger boy was excited to tell Minho that he has the keychain hanging in his backpack.Hyunjin thought he should pay a visit to Minho's. 

He wanted to clarify everything. He wants to tell Minho that they should stay friends. That would be okay, right? For Hyunjin it might be, but it still hurts for Minho. But can the lovestruck boy deny the offer? Definitely no.

*

Minho woke up. He wanted to cry first thing in the morning(or afternoon). What time is it? 

"I'm late. Class is over. " He thought if he should be saying this with a more worried tone. His voice was monotonous. Everything was black and white. It was all so plain and so unlike him. He didn't like plain. He still doesn't. He just grew so tired to even care. Questions flooded once again. His thoughts unfathomable. Everything is just scattered. Minho can't get a grip. He's drowning in his own tears. What did I do to deserve this? I wanna die. I should just die. 

With that, Minho ended up with an impulsive decision. He spent the day reminiscing. He recorded his lovely voice with a vintage tape recorder he got from an antique shop. 

"I kinda feel like Hannah Baker now." He laughed. "But I'm not blaming all of you. I just want to say thank you. For everything. I wish my questions will find their answers before I sleep but I guess it's too late now... Don't worry about me. I'll just be sleeping along the stars I used to look up to. The stars that reminded me of how his eyes sparkled. The skies that seemed to embrace me in my lonely nights. How I wish it was him embracing me. Hwang Hyunjin, 

I love you." 

Dropping the tape on the ground. Minho felt exhausted. The pain inside him was too much. He was just continously floating with nowhere to go. A sharp glint caught his eyes. Should he do it? No he shouldnt. He didnt know how or when this started but the crimson liquid seem to be comforting him. 

So he painted his canvas. With a sharp brush. It was tragically beautiful, beautifully tragic. Minho never thought he'd do this to himself. He thought there was always a way out. And there is. 

The beautiful lines he's created bloom on every part of his canvas, filling it 'till there's no space left to draw, everything was now perfect. He started crying. Now he's even more confused. One moment he's feeling nothing, another he's feels everything. 

The river of tears and emotions came on rushing. It won't stop. It just keeps on going until he reaches the waterfall. He tried to hold on. He tried to grab a branch. But that was it. He's falling into the deep abyss. There's no way out of this labyrinth. 

Unless you slip away straight, fast, and silent. 

And no one will notice. 

No one will notice him slipping out of existence he once loved to be in. The candles are flickering often these past days. It's melting, too. As if it's gotten tired of everything. Minho was tired of everything.


	6. stoned.

The sun that shone down upon his face was enough to make Minho stir. Should he go to class? Is it even worth it anymore? He has no purpose for anything. Dancing? Ha, there are alot of better dancers than him. Friends? He had no one. Family? They abandoned him. An insignificant thing like him had nothing. No, he has to prove them all wrong. But to what extent can he take it? He can do anything even it burns and swallow him whole. 

Minho decided that wallowing wasn't going to help and decided to actually go to his classes.

"Okay class-" was all Minho heard until he completely lost focus the thoughts roaming in his head were too strong to handle. 

"Ringggg." A bell? Oh, it was the bell ringing. He wondered how time could pass so fast. It all seemed like a blur. Even walking down the hallways seems blurry for Minho. His world was out of focus- 

"Minho Hyung!" Who was calling him? He had no recollection of befriending anyone and his friends- no, they were merely strangers now. Strangers with memories. Hyunjin was delighted after searching for a long time he finally found Minho. His small frame standing against the sunlight made hyunjin feel undescribable things. Does he like Minho? That was a silly question. Of course no, that can't be. He had someone else. This was confusing Hyunjin but with keychain in hand he ran to follow Minho. 

Minho just looked at Hyunjin with tired, weary eyes. Hyunjin was taken aback. Not trying to brag, but the younger thought that Minho would be really happy and excited after seeing him. But no, it was the polar opposite. The sparkles were nothing but black. His lips seems to be curving the wrong way. 

"Hyunjin," Minho forced out a smile. But no, his eyes says it all. 

"I-i just want to give this back to you. You left it at the dance studio." Hyunjin handed the keychain with a smile. Minho is aware of that angelic smile but he just can't seem to react. His heart turned to stone. A dull, monochromatic stone. He's not so vibrant and shiny as those gemstones anymore. 

Minho just took the keychain lifelessly. 

"Hey, hyung, are you okay? You look..." Hyunjin tried to find the right way to state it. 

"Terrible?" Minho asked. Sadness filled his eyes. If only Hyunjin knew how much pain he is feeling right now. Just seeing Hyunjin hurts him but it doesn't seem to make sense because he's also feeling nothing. It was all bullshit. 

"Yeah—no. Like- I, wait," Hyunjin panicked. He's scared he might've hurt his hyung. But little did he know, he already did. And he still is. 

"I'm fine. I just need a little rest." Minho said.

But it wont hurt to take a rest forever. 

A shadow seemed to loom over Minho's figure as he slowly walked away. 

"Wait Hyung! Do you want to hang out this weekend?" Hyunjin didn't know why he said that but the words just slipped out of his Mouth. Minho stared at him. He didn't know what was happening. Why was Hyunjin talking to him? Inviting him somewhere? He couldn't help but wonder if this was just some cruel joke. 

"Sorry, I'm busy." Even though he wanted to go, Minho knew he had no place there. He was the odd one out of all of them. Just a tag along to their hangouts. He had no one. He was always at the back trying to keep up with them pretending he was part of their conversations. Minho left seeing as Hyunjin had nothing else to talk about. Moving through the hallways everything seemed dream-like. He wished it was a dream but reality could only be so cruel and bring you back. The corridors were crowded but felt as if he was the only one there everything was empty. 

*

A ringing interrupted the peaceful silence. "Minho?!" 

"Coach?" 

"WHERE ARE YOU!" 

"I'm at home right now." 

"Did you forget we had extra dance practice? What type of Dance leader are you? Get over here!" 

Minho felt sweat dripping down his face and rushed out of his apartment to the dance studio. 1:24, 1:25, 1:26, 1:27, 1:28. He finally stopped at their door everyone was already inside. Even those who are always absent, Dance Majors, Minors hell even his old friends were here. Minho felt the anxiety built up. Should he go in or not? Coach would kill him if he doesn't. But he can save his dignity if he does go in. 

Pushing aside his feelings, Minho opened the door. All heads snapped to the back of the room. Standing amidst of all the people was their coach. 

"LEE MINHO GET OVER HERE" Without a second thought, Minho dashed to the front. 

"ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?! OR MAYBE INFORMATION CAN'T GET IN THAT SMALL BRAIN OF YOURS! EVERYONE HERE IS TRYING TO DO THEIR BEST. STOP BEING USELESS AND PATHETIC. YOU'RE THE LEADER OF THIS GROUP SO ACT LIKE ONE!" 

"Yes sir, it won't happen again" Minho can't describe the shame and embarrasment he felt. Why was he so dumb to forget their schedule? He didnt realize his eyes turning glossy.

**Author's Note:**

> you may find this fanfic in quotev, wattpad, and stray kids amino


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